Dating

Top 10 Things You Should Never Do After A Breakup

Breaking up with someone can feel like a major loss. It’s crucial to give yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship; however, it’s important to remember that everyone mourns differently. Some people cry, get angry, lash out, become sad, or deny that the relationship is really over. And some even do the worst things that will make it even harder to heal after the breakup.

Learn how to avoid a breakdown when you’re going through a breakup. Avoid the follwing 10 actions that can cause you even more heartache

DON’T SEEK THEM OUT ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Moving on in the age of Instagram and Facebook can feel like an impossible task. Which is why, post- breakup, your ex’s profiles should remain off-limits. To keep you from wandering away from your feed (and onto their page). That means unfollowing them on Facebook, muting them on Twitter, and untagging any photos of the two of you together. “It’s just easier for you to not constantly see what they’re up to, who they’re with, and what their life is like without you in it.”

DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO THEIR NEW PERSON

So you two weren’t a match. That’s totally OK! Just don’t beat yourself up if you see that they’re happy with someone else. Their happiness says nothing about your worth as a person — all it says is that they’ve found someone they are more compatible with, which you’re of doing, too,

DON’T WALLOW

In the early stages of a breakup, the best thing you can do is to let yourself feel it all the way, Hide under the covers with your two good friends. Cry, pout, tell your friends about it for a couple of days (four max). Let them love you up and tell you you’re magnificent.” But once the official mourning period is over, it’s time to clear your head. Get up, go for a run, or walk somewhere beautiful,You can appreciate the good times, but to really help you get over a breakup, think through all the parts of that relationship that just didn’t work for you — and put those ‘never again’ items on your dating criteria list for next time.

DON’T STOP TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

When you’re depressed, cooking a healthy meal, heading to the yoga class you used to love, or hitting the sack by 10 p.m. can seem like giant undertakings. But those very necessary acts of self-care will — not may — will go a long way towards making you feel better. At the very least, the sense of accomplishment will give you a boost of confidence, which is something you need more than ever right now.

DON’T PRETEND EVERYTHING’S OK

Wallowing for weeks or even months on end isn’t healthy or productive — but neither is minimizing or ignoring the very real pain you’re feeling. Be compassionate with yourself, you can’t shortcut the grieving process. It’s real. You don’t have to broadcast your emotions to the world, open up to at least a couple of friends. Feel your feelings and recruit a small group of trusted friends who you know are there for you and who will help you get through it.

DON’T LET IT AFFECT WORK

If you find yourself slacking off because you’re either too distracted or too upset to focus on the tasks at hand, it’s time to take action. Opening up to a trusted colleague — or supervisor, if you feel comfortable doing so — can help. If your office support system isn’t enough, it may be time to seek professional help. Knowing that you’ll have a dedicated 45 minutes or an hour every week to hash things out in a safe space may make it easier to focus on the stuff right in front of you.

DON’T LET IT AFFECT YOUR SOCIAL LIFE

Once again, show yourself the compassion that your friends will once you venture out again. Nobody expects you to emerge from your grief-cocoon as a full-on social butterfly; if they’re your friends, they’ll just want to see how you’re doing. Mutual friends are trickier, but if they’re making a clear effort to keep up the relationship — and you trust yourself to not bug them for intel about your ex — then by all means, go forth and bond.

DON’T REHASH THE PAST

Make the break a clean one. Don’t keep meeting up in the hopes of finding the closure that you may or may not eventually get. “Staying in touch just prolongs the agony of the breakup,” says Gandhi. “Or, worse, it can cause you to enter into a potentially toxic ‘on-again, off-again’ relationship.”

DON’T IMMEDIATELY START DATING AGAIN

After a breakup, you need to focus on you — your goals, your priorities, and your happiness. Getting right back into the dating pool might seem like a good distraction, but right now, it’s more important to give yourself the space you need to heal and reconnect with yourself as an individual. Oh, and whatever you do, do NOT start seeing someone new in an effort to make your ex jealous. By doing that, you’re just letting them dictate your actions from afar, instead of letting yourself live life on your terms. 

DON’T CLOSE YOURSELF OFF

In the short-term — and certainly while you’re still healing — it may seem smart to prioritize self-preservation. But if you shut yourself off from new possibilities for too long, the happiness you’ve worked so hard to find will start to feel more and more unattainable.

 

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