You’re not a failure in love just because this relationship faded away, however much it mattered to you. Use these 10 ways to get your self esteem back, buckle up and steady yourself. The rest of your awesome life is waiting for you!
1 Keep your best qualities in mind. When you’ve broken up your beau, it’s easy to concentrate on the things you’ve done to make the relationship fail. Maybe you weren’t such a good cook. Maybe you had annoying habits. Maybe you weren’t supportive enough, energetic enough, loving enough, expressive enough. Maybe you just weren’t enough.
Everyone has shortcomings. But that doesn’t mean these shortcomings and mistakes should cast a shadow on your positive qualities. Stop focusing on every little thing you did that made the relationship fail. Instead, keep in mind your best qualities that made the relationship last for as long as it did.
Aside from that, review your accomplishments. Think about the things you’re good at, the things no one else can do, and the qualities people admire you for. You may sometimes forget you have all these great traits, but remembering them can definitely help you look at yourself in a more positive light and feel better about yourself all over again.
#2 Be self-compassionate. A breakup is often the time when you start to criticize yourself for not being able to keep the relationship together. But then again, you also have to be kind to yourself by accepting the fact that you can only do so much. It’s not all your fault, you know!
Open your heart and your mind to the reality that there are things beyond your control that could have made your relationship crumble.
If you can be compassionate towards others, you can definitely be compassionate towards yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back for trying to keep the relationship together. Don’t shoulder all the blame, and realize that it takes two people to build and break a relationship.
It’s okay. You did what you could. You’re allowed to feel the pain and grieve for your loss. Feel the sadness wash over you, and then slowly let it go. You are who you are, and you’re a great person even if your ex fails to see that anymore.
#3 Stay in the present moment. Hard as it is, you have to look around you and accept that the person you were once with is no longer with you. Denying that it’s really over will only stop you from moving forward. If it helps, you can get rid of anything that reminds you of your relationship until you come to terms with the fact that it’s over.
Replace his or her pictures with pictures of family members. Avoid playing your songs on your iPod. Stay away from restaurants your ex and you used to frequent.
The process of getting rid of things that remind you of your ex may be painful. But what you can do is take it a step at a time, and reinforce each item you let go of with a positive experience.
Whenever you throw away some of your ex girlfriend’s stuff out, pick up a new videogame to try out. When you delete your ex boyfriend’s messages on your phone, go out and eat your favorite dish or treat yourself to a new haircut.
Not only does this help you get over your ex, but it also serves to mentally, emotionally and physically clear away traces of your ex on your life. It’s a great starting point in order to help you rebuild your identity now that you’re single and free. And oh-so-awesome all over again!
#4 Keep yourself busy with productivity. Now that you would no longer spend time with your ex, there will be huge chunk of time on your schedule that will be left free. It’s not really a good idea to keep yourself idle because these moments will open you up to reminiscing about the good old days. Instead, go for an activity that you can enjoy during your free time.
Hit the gym. Learn a new language. Travel. Volunteer. Whatever it is that you couldn’t do when you were with your ex, do it now! When you’re busying yourself with learning a new skill, it can help keep your mind off the breakup that’s wreaking havoc on your self-esteem.
Besides, wouldn’t it feel so much better when you’ve got an outlet that also doubles as a great learning experience? And when you’re focusing on becoming a better person, it’s easy to realize that you’ll also think more highly of yourself once you’ve accomplished something new.
#5 Don’t look at your past relationship with rose-tinted glasses. Just imagine sitting at home while it rains outside. You listen to your playlist to pass the time, and the song your ex and you danced to on your anniversary starts to play. You know you want to turn it off, but all these great memories rush in like a tidal wave of nostalgia…
Stop. Right. There. You know within yourself that your relationship wasn’t perfect. It had its ups and downs, so why bother focusing so much on the ups? It’s over for a reason, and that reason is that things no longer worked out between you two.
When you look back, look at your past relationship more objectively. This helps you see that you didn’t detach yourself from the fairytale relationship. There is hope for a better relationship and a partner who’s better for you out there!
#6 Avoid playing the comparison game. Nothing beats down harder on your self-esteem than seeing your ex with someone whom you feel is better than you. Whatever you do, resist the urge to know more about your ex’s present partner!
Don’t stalk him or her on Facebook, Twitter or even in person. Knowing more about the new person in your ex’s life will only make you mentally list down what he or she may have that you don’t have. Is he hotter? Is she sexier? Does he have a better job? Is she better with his friends than you are?
To be honest, your ex and ex’s new flame shouldn’t concern you any longer, so avoid reopening fresh wounds by peeking into their lives. It’s not healthy, and it’ll definitely make you feel worse about yourself.
But if you can’t help yourself, try to see the negative sides of your ex’s new love interest, and you’ll realize that you’re so much better, after all!
#7 You’ve done it before, you can do it again. For those of you who aren’t new to breakups, what makes you think this one breakup should define who you are for the rest of your life? It shouldn’t!
It may seem hard to get over this breakup, but if you’ve done it before, what’s stopping you from doing it again? You’re more resilient than you think. And if you’ve gotten over a relationship like this in the past, then you’re also more than capable of building a new relationship with someone new.
You’re a great person, and a bad relationship doesn’t define you as a bad partner. Perhaps, your partner and you weren’t compatible, but that doesn’t make you any less awesome than the catch you really are!
#8 Get support from friends and family. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, your friends and family would stick by you. Surround yourself with their company and allow them to help you get through your pain.
You may think that they’re just pampering you to make you quit moping about, but these people can also serve to give you a fresh perspective on things. They can remind you how you’re an awesome person in your own right, single or not single.
These people loved you when you were single, when you were taken, and they still love you now that you’re fresh out of a breakup. There’s got to be something within you that draws these people in.
Revel in it, cherish it, and believe within yourself that great people like these wouldn’t be sticking by you for no good reason!